So you and your significant other are happily living the life of bliss. I mean hey, you take the ups and the downs but at the end of the day it's you and your sweetie 'til then end..... But is it really? Many times it has been said "when you get married, you marry the whole family and not just your spouse, so look deep before you leap". How true is that statement. Even if you're not married, and just in a committed relationship, you have to deal with you significant others' family as well.
So many have naively said 'it doesn't matter what his/her mother or father says, we run our household', but do you? Often times as "young people" we still may look at a parent or at the parent of our sweetie as someone we are to respect, and instead of stepping on toes we will hold in emotions or overlook offenses directed at us from either our own parents or theirs. Better yet, some of our family members may overlook offenses for the sake of keeping the peace FOR us.
Who does this ultimately help? When you are sitting in your bed stewing about all of the things "the outlaws" have done or said, they're sleeping soundly in their beds with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads. The situation may even grow to the point that it interrupts the groove you and sweetie have between each other.
STOP!!!! Talk it out! It may not seem as though you could talk to your sweetie about the situation, but chances are that they're feeling the same way. The ONLY people you are emotionally responsible for defending are the people who belong inside the four walls you all have fought to build. At no time should you allow anyone to interrupt that flow to the detriment of your household.
Try sitting down and talking with that family member and letting them know that they're disrupting the household with their words or actions by using diplomacy. If that doesn't work, use a more direct strategy. Sometimes, it may even take disassociating yourself from the offender in order to maintain peace in your household.
Whatever you do, you have to have a unified front and make it clear that you and your household are in one accord and will not allow the disrespect. Just because someone is a close friend, associate, or family member does NOT give them the right to intentionally harm or disrupt your household, and some people are better left alone for the sake of your family's well-being than included and allowed to be the Trojan Horse that tears it apart.....Think about it....
Congrats on the steps you're making :-D what you've said, you've said well, so I can't wait to see what else you have to say.
ReplyDeleteSince high school, I've learned that 'family' has distinct meanings that don't universally apply. Biological family is important and very valuable, but our chosen families are just as--if not more--important. These are the people that we decide to keep in our everyday lives. I've found that, while our blood binds us together and shares lessons and understanding through us, the respect commanded by the 'elders' naturally creates a seperation that both young and old fear to connect. On the other hand, we don't always make the best decisions on who should be in our chosen family.. Point is, they are both crucial to the development of our individual selves. To deny someone you've attracted into your life is to deny that aspect of yourself.
Love ya, fam :-) Keep up the good work!!
Boundaries and rules must be established in order for a relationship to strive. One of the major boundaries is with the extended family. They extended family must understand that this relationship has to be respected. But yet in still, the participants in this relationship must understand that family is still Important and it has to also be respected. The trick is to find the balance between the two.
ReplyDelete